Milk/Man

Interspecies Humanism / Existential Affirmations / Livestock Worshipping

I am grateful to exist in a capitalist society, and to drink milk. It’s been a long time since my mother birthed and breastfed me, but thanks to some questionable ancestors, I continue to digest bovine excretions. I digest them so well that at times it makes up more than half of my daily caloric intake. I’m a strong healthy boy forever in bliss to suck on the teet of this great society. Thank you, Cows. Thank you, Fossil Fuels. Thank you, Logistically Complex Supply Chain.

I wish the cows were happier.

I was arguing with this vegan activist, who tried incessantly to shame me. I still liked her, because I could tell she listened, intermittently, despite having to maintain her extremism for the camera and comrades. Something in her eyes, an expression I’ve seen before, tells me she was absorbing me.

I told her I would rather a cow live, see the light of day, and die, than to have never lived.

I’m grateful to be a pampered babe pushing around a grocery cart, and not a livestock animal. But the milk makes me strong and brave, and I think I’d be brave enough to be livestock. Perhaps I’d enjoy it. I’m a sacrificial being. I would bravely chew my corn and secrete my milk for the universal force of capitalism to mix with a thousand others’ and sell on every corner. Dissolve me, scatter me to the wind. Let me be the macros for your leg day. I would proudly serve this country. The farmer’s deep reach is but a moment, and glory is eternal.

I would also be a bug, though reluctantly. I don’t think it requires any bravery to be a bug.